


Kicking and Screaming

by theskywasblue



Category: Naruto
Genre: Humor, M/M, battle of wills
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-09
Updated: 2011-08-09
Packaged: 2017-10-23 00:07:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/244079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theskywasblue/pseuds/theskywasblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jonin are crazy</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kicking and Screaming

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Caeseria](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caeseria/gifts).



> A feel-better fic for [](http://caeseria.dreamwidth.org/profile)[**caeseria**](http://caeseria.dreamwidth.org/). *hugs*

“You’re kidding.”

Iruka looked down at the badly crumpled mission report that had been placed in front of him. The edges were frayed, there were a series of muddy paw-prints on across it, and the paper was actually still damp.

Kakashi at least had the good sense to look embarrassed, “Well...”

Iruka pushed the report back across the desk, gingerly, so as to avoid touching the strange, green substance smeared along the bottom edge. “I’m sorry Kakashi-sensei, I cannot accept this mission report. Not with the state it’s in.”

Kakashi’s single visible eye widened in what appeared to be genuine shock, “Why not?”

Iruka took a moment to prepare himself mentally, before he answered, “You really need to ask?”

Kakashi folded his arms like a petulant child, “Well, I’m not re-writing it.”

“Then I’m not accepting it – and you know regulations require you to submit your report before you’re eligible for another mission.”

Iruka sat up straighter in his chair, put on the face he used to cow rowdy five year olds, and radiated disapproval. Kakashi stared back at him, as impassive as a statue. The other ninja waiting in line shrank back against the mission room walls and tried to look inconspicuous in case sharp objects started flying. Finally, Kakashi took the paper from the desk and vanished with a sullen _pop_.

“You should have just accepted the report,” Kotetsu told him, later.

“Why would I do that?” Iruka demanded. “Did you see that thing? I think one of his dogs _chewed_ on it.”

“Yeah, well,” Kotetsu shrugged, looking almost apologetic, “this is Kakashi we’re talking about.”

Iruka snorted, flipping the mission room light off and shutting the door with more force than was probably necessary. “Honestly, people need to stop catering to that man – that’s why he’s so insufferable.”

“You think Kakashi’s insufferable _now_?” Kotetsu warned, “Believe me, you haven’t seen anything.”

***

It was a universally accepted fact that all Jonin were insane. In fact, Iruka suspected it was actually a requirement for promotion – that would certainly explain Gai...and Genma, Kakashi, Anko...well, when he sat down and actually thought about it, it was a very long list of explanations.

Fortunately, Iruka wasn’t much fazed by insanity. He spent his days with small children, after all; he had practically developed full immunity.

That being said, his first inclination that something was possibly very wrong was when Kakashi’s mangled mission report appeared on his desk in the classroom, first thing Monday morning.

Iruka wadded it up and threw it in the trash.

Over the next few days, although Iruka saw no sign of Kakashi himself, the offending mission report continued to appear wherever he looked – in his mail slot in the staff room, in his lunch bag, next to him on the counter at Ichiraku, in his equipment bag when he went to the gym, even in his wash basin when he took a trip to the bath house. Finally, when he found it sitting unassumingly on top of the mission desk at the beginning of his next shift on Friday, he stuck a sticky-note to it which read _Hatake Kakashi: Leaving your mission report on the desk does not count as actually **submitting** your mission report. I’m not accepting this. Do it right. – Umino Iruka_.

The next day was his official weekly lunch with Naruto at Ichiraku, and Iruka was unsurprised to find that the Genin had a whole new list of grievances to air about his new sensei. Iruka tuned most of it out – after all, for all that Kakashi was an impossibly arrogant, stubborn, self-righteous jerk of a human being, his teaching methods were nothing unusual. In fact, compared to Iruka’s Genin team sensei, he was downright lenient.

Unfortunately, Iruka tuned back in just in time to hear, “...and then Kakashi-sensei said it was part of our training to recopy one of his mission reports – which I thought was total bullshit! – and Sakura-chan agreed with me, so Kakashi-sensei made us spend the whole day running laps around the village! I thought I was gonna _puke_.”

Iruka pushed his empty bowl out of the way, feeling an encroaching nausea, “He tried to make you rewrite his mission report?”

“Yeah, yeah! That one from the mission he went on last week – you know – when we had to spend time training with Ebisu the pervert instead of getting days off. That _sucked_.”

It really _had_ sucked. Iruka had been forced to listen to all of Naruto’s grievances on that as well, and they were considerable.

He hated to tell Naruto he was right when he refused to rewrite the mission report – even though he was, Iruka worried it would give him the idea that it was okay to direct his stubbornness at authority figures (not that he didn’t do that already, but Iruka wanted him to do it as little as possible) – so he just let Naruto keep eating until he’d had his fill of noodles and Iruka himself was considerably poorer, then escorted him back home.

***

Iruka was beginning to think that he had severely underestimated Kakashi’s determination. Or his insanity, it was difficult to say which. In any case, he was willing to cope with the case of the magically appearing mission report – the case of the magically appearing Jonin was something else entirely.

It was fortunate for Kakashi that Iruka had a well-controlled startle reflex, and an ability to detect traps that had been honed by generations of overzealous pre-Genin; otherwise there might have been more than a few unfortunate accidents.

That didn’t mean he enjoyed having Kakashi pop out at him from around every corner or seeing him hanging down from the rooftop every time he looked out the window with his tattered mission report in his outstretched hand.

Iruka spent a lot of time closing curtains and slamming doors and looking generally pissed off, until he was sure he was going to have a permanent furrow between his eyebrows or he would forget how to say anything but the word “no.”

The breaking point came Thursday morning when, fresh from his morning shower, Iruka opened his closet and found Kakashi smiling brightly at him.

“Good morning, Iruka-sensei – here’s my...”

“ _No_!” Iruka bellowed, loudly enough that Kakashi actually tried to take a step back, but was held in place by the closet rod. Iruka grabbed the front of Kakashi’s flak vest and hauled him out into the room. “Are you certifiably _insane_? Get out of my house!”

He shoved Kakashi bodily out onto the landing and was about to slam the door in Kakashi’s shocked face when the Jonin announced, “You know, you’re really hot when you’re angry, Sensei.”

“What did you just –“ Iruka’s outrage was cut off mid-stream when Kakashi kissed him. It was soft and relatively chaste at first, but then a swipe of Kakashi’s tongue against his lower lip drew a surprised, slightly indignant noise from Iruka’s chest. He put a hand out to grasp Kakashi’s vest again – not entirely sure if he was going to shove the Jonin over the railing or pull him closer – and his fingers met nothing but air.

Iruka stood, flabbergasted and alone on his landing, wearing nothing but a bath towel which was now woefully inadequate to preserve his modesty.

“Goddamn Jonin!” He hissed, slamming the door.

***

He didn’t see Kakashi again for two full days – which was convenient, since it gave him time to first decide that the man was actually insane and potentially dangerous and then to mourn the fact that he hadn’t managed to get a decent look at Kakashi’s mask-less face.

He was just starting to put the whole crazy situation out of his mind when there was a knock on his door Saturday afternoon.

“Here’s my mission report, Iruka-sensei – rewritten as you requested.”

Iruka tried not to let his face betray his surprise as he accepted the perfectly smooth, perfectly clean piece of paper. He glanced at it, and everything seemed to be in order. “Well, was that so hard?”

Kakashi gave him a blank look, “Excuse me?”

“You know exactly what I mean – this mission report. With all the time you spent stalking and harassing me over this, you could have re-written it a dozen times.”

“It’s the principle of the thing,” Kakashi shrugged, looking more amused than apologetic.

“You are...such a Jonin.”

Kakashi put a hand on the doorframe, slipping into Iruka’s personal space with the natural grace of a cat. “Does that mean you wouldn’t let me kiss you again if I asked nicely?”

Iruka tried very, very hard not to blush. He didn’t succeed. “I guess that depends on if you were planning to actually _ask_ this time.”

“Well...I could just _take what I want_.” Kakashi put heavy emphasis between each word and Iruka felt the tips of his ears turn red. He didn’t shiver, though. He was too much a ninja to shiver. “That is, if you’re in to that sort of thing.”

Iruka licked his lips, and Kakashi tracked the movement with enough intensity to light Iruka’s skin on fire. “I’d like to see you try that.”

“Oooh,” Kakashi drawled, the sound crawling down through Iruka’s neck and into his chest, “A challenge; I like that. See you soon, Sensei.”

And then, of course, he vanished, leaving Iruka alone with his keen sense of sexual frustration.

“Goddamn Jonin!” Iruka growled, slamming the door hard enough to shake the windows on his neighbour’s apartment. Still, when he sagged against the other side, he was grinning; he couldn’t help it.

His life was about to get very interesting.

-End-


End file.
